Your life story is important and can have profound effects on others when shared to help or inspire. However, often we get fixated on ‘our stories’ or lack thereof. We forget our stories are not who we are but what we have lived through and lived by up to this point. Our stories tell of the lessons, blessings, tragedies and miracles that have happened to date. They teach us, help us to grow and develop on our journey but they should not define us.Read More...
Happy New Year everyone!!
We are now nearly a week into the New Year and over this weekend the last of the Christmas trees and decorations will be taken down, reluctantly by some and with relish for others.
New Years resolutions that were so confidently and adamantly set earlier in the week are either propelling us forward with abundant positivity into 2018 or hanging over us judgingly as we tuck into the last of the selection boxes or skip the gym session to binge watch a whole series on Netflix.
After the overindulgence of Christmas and the irregularity to our routines, starting fresh on New Year’s Day with a list of positive resolutions as we detox from all the festive food, alcohol and cheer (or stress) can seem like the best plan. However more often than not, we set big tasks to achieve, without really thinking through what we want or how we will do it. Meaning by the 3rd of 4th week in January we are frustrated and irritated and call off the whole resolution thing as a load of B.S.
We are creatures of habit and we operate consciously and unconsciously from this primal place within our brains all day, every day. We think, act and behave like this for years and it becomes our ‘normal’. To override these habits, we cannot rely on will power or a New Year resolution alone to change these deeply ingrained behaviours. These habits and behaviours have their own neurological pathways, some of which were created many years ago and they cannot be simply flipped overnight.
Instead we need to create new pathways, new habits and rituals but it will take time. When we repeat the same behaviour over and over we are tapping into our unconscious mind where those neurological pathways reside. We create new roads for us to travel and retrain our thinking and behaviour. Just like any skill or muscle, it takes time and consistency to see the change. If you do one cooking lesson or gym session you won’t be a top chef or Popeye.
Think about it this way, all your habits and behaviours are so deeply ingrained that they look something like a motorway, with roads leading on and off. Well maintained roads, no bumps or potholes as they are in constant use. Alongside this motorway is a forest and on New Years Day you decide to take a new route through the forest to a new destination. For the first few days, it is hard, you have to cut down all the trees and bushes in your way, to create your new path. It takes time and effort but your energy and determination are strong and you persevere. On your return each morning you see that some of the branches and bushes have fallen back to where they were originally and as you make your way along this new path you continue to clear them, so you can reach your destination. This goes on for a couple of weeks and one morning, you wake up late and believe you don’t have the time to clear the path that day and instead take the motorway, the easier option. You go home on the motorway too because you are tired and what’s the harm, you already took the route this morning. For some this is the turning point in their new path, they either reset and get back to their new path with renewed motivation and enthusiasm or they call it a lost cause and get back onto the motorway where it is the same old story but at least it’s easy and immediate.
Our habits and behaviours all serve a purpose at some point and are not all negative or in drastic need of transformation. We just need to bring more awareness to the habits that we no longer need and override them to make room for new ones. When we take the time to see what is working for us and what is working against us, we can see more clearly what we need to work on, to move forward and grow.
Motivation is important too, but it has to be a REAL motivating factor that comes from deep within, at our core values and beliefs. Saying you want to get fit for the New Year because you have been sitting and relaxing for the last 2 weeks won’t serve as a motivator in a few weeks’ time. Sitting down to really think about why you want to get fit and realising you want to be able to run and play with your kids and not huff and puff as they run ahead of you, is a much stronger rooted reason that will give you that motivation you need on the day you are tired and don’t want to exercise.
Then we establish the way we can do it, the professionals we might need to call in and the support we will need along the way.
The key to starting new habits is to only take on one or two at a time. Trying to change your exercise, diet, personal development, relationship, world peace etc all on New Year’s Day is a little over ambitious. I have changed many habits and routines over the years but only by taking it 1 or 2 at a time, building up my good/new habits and behaviours until they become my ‘new normal’ and then I look for another new something to work on.
Here is how I suggest getting started…
- Properly think about what you want to change and WHY (Tip – keep asking why and why again to each response until you run out of answers, there is always another reason behind the surface reason and this will help you to get down to the core reason.) Your why will be the driving force on days when you are tired or unmotivated. For example if you are trying to get fitter to be able to run around with your children, remembering that reason ,that ‘why’, will get you out the door and to the gym.
- Write down what the overall goal is, be specific e.g. do you want to be able to run a 5/10 km race or lose X lbs?
- Write down the steps you will need to get there e.g. do you have to research an exercise class or find a professional to work with? These steps will be like the directions you need to reach the destination, start at the start and keep going until you get there. If you take a wrong turn, no worries, just use your map to get back on track again.
- Think about who is going to support you. This is a massive factor in your achievement of your goal(s). If you are cooking healthy meals every night and your family are turning their nose up at them it will get very disheartening and discouraging. Talk with your friends and family, ask them to give you the support and praise you need to keep going. Get them to join in or simply just ask (without judgement) how you are getting on.
- Think about what problems or setbacks might arise in your master plan (because they will). Do you have a heavy workload in work approaching or a holiday away? Think about ways you can get around these setbacks or acknowledge that for that week you might be very busy in work, but you will still commit to at least 20-minute walk to clear your head and be active.
- Most importantly be gentle on yourself. You will have days that are not as good as others but the important thing is that you don’t dwell in self judgement or criticism. If you revert back to the motorway for a few days just wake up fresh the next morning and get back onto your own path (Don’t wait until Monday).
Instead of changing everything on New Year’s Day or in the first week of January, why not give yourself a couple of weeks to get going. I feel we are still in hibernation mode as the evenings are short and dark and January always seems a little low and flat after the high of Christmas without sprinkling self-judgement and criticism all over it too.
Why not give yourself a few weeks to really think about what you want to change and what the destination will be. Create the map and the directions to get there, then set the wheels in motion and enjoy the journey and be proud of your growth.
Best of luck,
‘Just think more positively…’
Easier said than done and not the best advice if you’ve a had a crap day, week or even year. It is the last thing you want to hear in that moment and probably the least helpful. Especially if you are up to your eyes with work, you feel like your relationships are falling apart and life continues to throw curve balls right at your face (or so it seems). We’ve all been there, when it all gets a bit too much and we just want to hide under the covers. Cue Positive Polly, telling you to ‘think positive’ and you may feel like doing something unquestionable to poor Polly.
Thinking positive and being positive is great, don’t get me wrong. I try to look at most situations I find myself in positively but are positive thoughts or quotes enough to stop the momentum of a bad mood, day or week? Stopping that momentum is like trying to stop a car speeding down a steep hill, when it is nearly at the bottom of the down the hill. Instead of trying to stop the car midway down the hill, why not try stop it at the top before it gets going?
If we change the way, we view things we can change our lives. Some of you may think that this is a bold statement, but I have seen so many examples of this that I know it to be true. Our perception of things, people and situations can trick us into believing something that is not as it seems.
Wayne Dyer says it best, ‘When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change’. Our perceptions are not a case of one being right and another being wrong, we are just seeing things differently. It makes sense that we would view things differently from our friends or colleagues when our values, experiences, upbringings have all been different.
I have shifted my mind-set in many ways in different areas of my life, using different techniques and strategies but my secret weapon is gratitude.
When we are in a bad mood, unmotivated, fed up or in a bit of a funk we are operating from a place of lack. From a place where there is the absence of something material, emotional, spiritual etc. When you are thinking, feeling and acting from a sense of lack, then that is what you will see mirrored back to you in your daily encounters and experiences.
When you start to shift your perspective, and see all the great things that are present in your life and be grateful for them, you start to make room for more of that to flow into your life. Often when we start to notice the things we are grateful for each day, we notice that they quickly start to outweigh the bad.
Gratitude is like a muscle we have to build, to give it power and strength. The words, written, spoken or thought can be powerful in their own rite. However, if you really want to amplify their power, you must FEEL the gratitude within. Sit with your list of things you are grateful for, for as little as 2 or 3 minutes and feel that gratitude spread throughout your whole body.
When you start to practice gratitude, you will be surprised at how quickly your mind set will shift. You may find that you are feeling brighter or happier. Your encounters with your family, friends and colleagues will adjust and change for the better. Once you start thinking, saying, writing about the things you are grateful for in your life, your list of things to be grateful for will grow and grow and your life will become so much more abundant in every which way.
Here are some ways you can practice gratitude in your daily life;
- Start simply, count your blessings right now.
- At the start and end of your day think or 3 things you are grateful for. If you are stuck, try this affirmation – I am so, so grateful for all that I am and all that I have.
- Say thank you to others, sometimes we’re too busy to take the time to say it at all. I don’t only mean in a mannerly sense, say thanks to the people in your life for the support, help, love they show you. Don’t wait for an occasion like birthdays or Christmas, tell them now. Kind words or a smile of thanks can change a person’s whole day.
- Be grateful as you sit down to eat or drink.
- Think / write about what you are grateful for in the different areas of your life – your mind, your body, your soul, your home, your family, your friends, your work, your finances, all the amazing things you have and are right now. Block out the past and future as you count your blessings now, in this very moment.
- Start a gratitude journal, write down what you are thankful for each day. Even a list in a notebook is just as powerful if journaling isn’t really your thing.
“It is only with gratitude that life becomes rich”, Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Love and light,
We hear the words terms and conditions all the time.
Most of the time we tick the terms and conditions box on an application form or contract without even reading it. Nearly if not every App on our phone has terms and conditions that we must accept before downloading it onto our phone.
Do you always read through the terms and conditions with a fine-tooth comb?
I must admit that I don’t always read these fully, I usually just click accept mindlessly.
We accept these both consciously and unconsciously but why do we just accept these rules and conditions without a second thought? We throw them on top of a mountain of rules and conditions we “must” adhere to each day but never really stop to think why?
Many of these rules are conditions we live by are there purely because of the country we were born in, the colour of our skin, the religion we grew up with, our gender, what our parents told us. These conditions were created long before we were even born and are mainly influenced by geography or cultural norms. Our parents and the generations before them, created and maintained these conditions, albeit well intended, to help, to enable and to ensure we fit the social norms of whatever culture we arrived in. God forbid we would do, say or act in a way that went against the grain and rock the boat. Some of us may have never questioned these rules and if we did we would be certain of repercussions of some sort from our family or friends. Generation to generation pass down these conditions that we become attached to and live our lives by with great detriment to us as individuals and our lives.
These conditions become the limiting beliefs that stop is from living the authentic, creative, exciting and passionate lives we were born to live.
They take away our power.
They limit our happiness, joy, imagination and sparkle.
As adults, we create our own terms and conditions that determine our beliefs, actions and how we live. We flood our vocabulary with these conditional words; should/shouldn’t, could/couldn’t, would/ wouldn’t, if, can’t, if only to name but a few. We have conversations with ourselves and others and weave a bigger web of endless conditions.
- When I lose a x amount of weight, I will happier.
- If I had more money, I could….
- If I was smarter, thinner, taller, I could…
- I can’t do ___, what if ___ happens?
- If only I could….
- I should do more of …
Inevitably all the terms and conditions we place on ourselves, consciously or unconsciously inhibit us from being real to ourselves and others. They limit our ability to be present and happy in this moment because we are always waiting for this perfect moment, meanwhile life is passing us by.
Our relationships are placed in a maze of conditions too.
- If my boss acknowledged all the hard work I do I would enjoy my job more.
- He/she should never have said that.
- He/she should apologise for treating me that way and making me feel like this.
- They wouldn’t treat me this way if they really loved me.
- What would my mother/father say if…?
We could spend our whole lives living by these conditions that others have created and we reinforce with our thoughts, words and actions.
If we really look at them, do they have any foundation or truth?
Have you ever challenged these terms and conditions with a simple, why?
Are they just an opinion or an idea someone had a long time ago, who is probably long since dead?
Would you allow someone to order your food in a restaurant? Probably not. Then why would you give someone the power or authority to dictate the way you feel or live your life?
How freeing would it be if we were to omit these conditional words from our everyday vocabularies?
What conditions that you place on others or that others place on you would you bin, delete, get rid of it you could wave the proverbial magic wand?
How would your life look if you could eliminate the negative self talk that goes hand in hand with these terms and conditions you are living your life by?
If you could write a new contract for your life, what would the terms and conditions be?
What non-negotiables would you put in this new contract?
What new rules would you ensure were set in stone to allow you to love yourself unconditionally?
Why not move away from conditional living and thinking and try some of the following;
TAKE BACK YOUR POWER
💙 Be open to new ideas, to explore and create new things.
💙 Try not to judge others, remember everyone is on their own path, just as you are.
💙 Be aware of the words you are using in every conversation. Try and catch yourself using these conditional words and flip them to a more positive statement. Remember our thoughts become our words, our words become out actions and our actions become our reality.
💙 Write your own contract for your life. Write down what your terms and conditions are for you and those in your life. Write down what you will and will not tolerate from yourself and others from now on.
💙 Last but definitely not least, spend time with those who love you unconditionally and treat you without conditions, not those whom only show up when the conditions favour themselves.